My week......................

So Tuesday night I put my nose in this book till' around 11:30 pm and enjoyed every minute of my time alone. If you need a good book this summer here is a great easy reader. It's a fictional book based on the life of Deborah who I knew very little about. But then after only 2 hours of sleep I woke up to this sweet little thing throwing up all over her bed. Yup' the stomach flu had come over from our friends next door (one downside to having so many kids so close together ;) and it invaded my sleeping three year old. Of course my husband is gone on his shift so I was up all night. I laid her on the couch so I could clean the bedroom and she threw up all over the couch and living room. I then mover her to clean the couch and she threw up all over the hallway. Are you seeing a pattern here yet? ugh! The funny thing is that when I threw all the blankets etc. in the wash from the couch I threw the remote control in the wash as well. I realized this at roughly 4am when Ryanne wanted to watch cartoons. I was to tired to care though and let it finish the rinse cycle. But Low and behold I pulled it out around 7am and the sucker worked! Go figure. I figured there was no need to mention this little incident to my husband. :)
Oh and somewhere in my crazy week with no husband and enough vomit to well...... never mind; I managed to drive Morgan on a field trip out to Palm Springs. They went to the kids museum out there. Then she also had her swim-a-thon last night. I had to wrap poor Ryanne up in her PJ's and a blanket and throw her in the jogging stroller (which just for the record has never been jogged behind) But Morgan met her goal of 100 laps and earned around $200! Great job Morgan. She was tired and dragging today.
The best part? Yesterday my friend Jessica made me this little gift below and left it on my front door step to cheer me up. Thank you so much Jess!! That blessed me to know you weren't just thinking of me but you acted on that thought in a very kind way. The little bucket is full of this new tea from trader joes that Jessica got me hooked on. One is white pomegranit and the other white blueberry. Yummy!! Thanks to everyone who has called, e-mailed or prayed for me this past week. I am feeling a bit better and my attitude has improved greatly! :)
On another note I just wanted to thank Christy P. for the idea to adopt a soldier over seas. You can click on her blog over to the right and see her post regarding this topic. The girls and I have started the process and are very excited. Whether you like the president or agree with the war is really beside the point. The point really is that these men and women and their families sacrifice everyday so you don't have too. They allow you to have freedom of speech (on your blogs) allow you the freedom to pray when and where you want and walk through the streets safely and for most of you I am guessing not starving. So they need to know and believe that what they gave up to go is not in vain. Please take the time to look at this web site and prayerfully consider supporting our troops. At one time Between Dan & I we had five family members over seas and a dear friend of mine still remains so this is near and dear to our hearts. Plus I desire to teach my girls at a very young age to have compassion for others and respect for their country. http://www.adoptaplatoon.org/new

Today we danced in the rain...................

This week has been one of those weeks. You know the ones; where nothing fits right or looks good once you get it on. Your hair is well, just hair. And heaven forbid I had to contribute to society in any way shape or form. Ok, maybe you don't know and its just me. I'm good with that. That's why blogging is such cheap therapy right? I didn't wake up Monday with the intention of being a downer but that's what I was ALL week. It took until today and my husband FINALLY coming home for me to realize that yup' I think I was actually do I dare say the word? Depressed. I know, its near impossible to believe since I am usually happy go lucky. I don't really stress about much and in the last year (ok, six months) have learned to let the little things and little people who cause little things to stress people out to fly by. I mean I was just in the process of patting myself on the back for that when I flumped down on the couch Monday and hardly moved. I did what I had to like feed the kids, took them to swimming, got Morgan to school etc. But this morning when my husband came home and I burst into tears (so not me) I realized I needed intervention. Or more like he realized. I hate when women cry and claim they don't know why. Unless of course you are pregnant then you have all the rights to cry. and trust me I have enough friends having babies to know not to cross them. But when you just cry and don't know why? Come on! So after giving much thought to my outburst I realized that being in pain ALL THE TIME in some way shape or form for the past three weeks is about all one person can take. I shut down. I kept the kids alive and the house afloat while Dan was gone but mostly while in a fog. I tried everything. I talked to my best friend next door in a friendly fashion, kept up with my quiet time, tried praying for others that I knew were hurting. Heck I even stopped and talked to a homeless guy at Trader Joes yesterday. Still nothing. Still feeling sorry for myself. So today I decided when my safe refuge came home I would unload and ask for help.
If you are new to reading my blog I apologize for the "downer post" I am usually more upbeat and full of antics and quick wit. You may want to come back in a few days. I decided today to be mad at the fact that I have arthritis so bad I cant hardly move when it's cold outside. I decided to be mad that on some days my kids have to help me way more than I would like. I am mad that at 34 I have a walker in my closet (though decorated very cute with stickers by my best friend) for those nights when I cant make it to the pain meds on my own. I am angry that I can't open anything on my own. I am angry that I have had to give up pretty much all of my favorite foods containing wheat, dairy and glueten . My husband likes to add "taste free as well!"

I am angry that I landed in the urgent care last week because I almost passed out while driving my three year old home. Long story short my blood pressure was to low so I am mad about that too! I am mad that when I look in the mirror I dont look 34 but on the inside I feel 94. I am mad there is no cure and all the meds do is make people sick. I am mad that I have to think about every little thing I put in my mouth or I may not be able to walk tomorrow from swelling. So as you can see anger has set in. Hey, it only took 5 years. I am starting to think denial isn't such a bad place to live. I love God, I know God has a plan for me and I have always believed that. Today when my husband left to get Morgan I decided to allow his grace to wash over me, literally! I ran into my three year olds room and told her to come dance in the rain with me. She said,"mommy, daddy told me to take a rest. You better go ask him if it's ok!" What a time to be obedient right? So we grabbed her raind boots and coat and we went and stood in the pouring down freezing rain. I just stood there looking up at the sky and let the cold water run down my face. I realized after a few minutes that to the outsider looking in it would have appeared that I had lost my mind. Like one of those women in the movies who's boyfriend just dumps them or their husband dies and they run out into the rain and just stand there crying. There was no crying here though. Just thanking God that today I am here and today is not one I should waste. Even in my anger I will choose to serve you God. I will hobble, crawl, limp, whatever it takes to give you praise. Even on the worst days. (week)

I am sorry this was such a long post and I hesitate to hit "publish post" due to the fact that I sound like I need therapy. But like I have said before and know in my head; life is good. Not perfect. Not always easy or pain free but good. Because God is good.

This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope.

It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.

They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:21-23

Oh and just a little side note; I decided to allow myself some help and admitted to my husband (and myself) that I cannot do it all. I want to do the important things like teach and be with my kids. Love on my husband, friends and family, etc. So I decided to let someone come in and deep clean twice a month so I don't get so discouraged. As much as it will pain me to do this and PAY for it I know its the right thing to do. It's something I can let go of and in the bigger picture it's not that important right? I ask with a question mark.

Give me your ideas pleeeaaassseeeee!!!

Well, the end of the near is nearing for my first grader and once again I am looking for ideas for teacher gifts. I know alot of you who read my blog are or once were teachers so you would be able to help with this particualr assignment in a more personal way. The rest of you give me ideas on what you have done in the past. Now just becuase of who I am and the fact that I like to walk to a different beat I try to think outside the box. I know teachers love to get gift cards but seriously how many can one person get from a class of 22? Oh and keep in mind I have two teachers and a teachers aid to buy for this year. When Morgan was in K I made her teacher and the Teachers aid quilts done all in their favorite colors and they loved them. But since my quilt till' I drop phase is over we wont be going there again. :) Please hurry and get your ideas in to me since I only have a couple of weeks to pull it all together. Have a blessed day and thanks for your input.

On a side note let's remember to lift up the Steven Curtis Chapman family as they grieve the loss of their youngest daughter. They adopted through Bethany during the times we were so it was fun following thier story of how God brought them to a place to adopt from China. Pray for their son as he deals with his guilt and grief as well. Thank you God that they know and love you.

Morgan's Meet In 101 Heat

I would like to first just start out by saying that if Morgan ever doubts at any time in her life that I love her I will just remind her of her swim meets. Becuase seriously, they are a labor of love. Think about it; we are at the pool three nights last week already and then we get up at 5:45 to leave the house by 6:45 to be in Temecula by 7:30 (ok, so we were 15 minutes late to warm up) Anyways, all the while you are packing up your house and kids like you are relocating for months. Clothes, food, towels, toys, blankets, chairs, you name it and the "swim parent" has it. We were holding out hope for some wind on Sat. since its ALWAYS windy in Temecual but nope it was 101 on the pool deck and not a stitch of wind. No breeze, nothing! Ryanne was getting tired and kept climbing on Dan who was patient at first but then would put her on the ground and go walk around trying to find air. :) Seriously you would have thought the tarps would have helped but this day they only made you feel like you were being baked like a potato.
My mom came out and attended the meet. Shes from the river and trust me if she was hot it was to hot!! ;) Here are Morgan and my mom giving thumbs up after one of Morgans events.
This was at the very end right before their last event. I let them touch me for like two seconds before I was shoving everyone off! :) Morgan did great! She competed in all 4 events and was also in a relay with three other girls. Of of our girls (the starter) was up on the block and slipped off into the pool scrapping her leg right beofre they blew the start gun; needless to say when you are 7 this is devastating but she got back up and started the race. She was slower than usual because she was upset so when she tagged the wall it was like someone put jets in Morgan's pants because she was determined to make up time for the team and she did! Great job Morgan. Way to keep a good attitude in the midst of the heat and all the delays. I am glad you are such a good example when you get DQ or things go crazy. Keep smiling my little fish.

**Please remind me this next winter that I am not allowed to complain when it is windy and freezing cold hail at her meets. ;)

Family Fun Night

Morgan's swim team has periodic "family nights" where the kids get to come and have a picnic with their families and just play in the pool. Now that might not seem like a big deal to most. But these kids are used to swimming 3-5 nights a week for over an hour all the while being trained by coaches who are standing over them in the pool. So for them to be able to let their hair down (literally, no swim caps) and just play for two hours was heaven. All of the swimmers family are invited to join in the fun as well. Tonight they had their team pictures taken before hand. Here is Morgan and her friend in deep conversation while waiting for the photographer to place everyone. :)
Because Ryanne joined the Star Fish she got to be in the team photo as well. She is in the far bottom right corner wearing her first Speedo suit and talking to her coach.
"Look mom, no swim cap or people telling me what to do!"
After Ryanne wore me out in the pool she moved on to one of the other swimmers dads to see what he was made of. Are you sure this was my three year old who was terrified only a week ago? Now she is jumping off the side. Going under water and holding her breath and trying to swim on her own.
The high school kids got in a friendly game of waterpolo. Here's a little tip for all you parents out there with small children with tons of energy. Want them to eat good? Want them sleep at night like logs? Here's my advice; the minutet they are potty trained find your local swim team and sign them up!! Well, it worked for us twice. ;)

May 2008

May 13, 2008, that is the time that Morgan will remember as the time she asked Jesus into her heart. She might not remember all the fine details or how the conversation came up with me but she will remember that sweet time of praying and confriming her spot with Christ in eternity.

We were driving home from school yesterday when Morgan share with me that a little girl in her class told her she didn't believe in God. (girls tell you EVERYTHING about their day) Anyways, Morgan said,"mommy, are you sure I am going to heaven?" I asked her what the bible said about that and she explained to me that you needed to believe that Jesus died for your sins and that he rose again. I asked her a few more questions and she informed that she had never really asked for God to physically come into her heart but that she did love him and desire to serve him. She said she sometimes forget to ask him to forgive her for stuff she does wrong.

So now by this point I am driving through a lump in my throat the size of Texas and tears that welled up that wont drop. She said when we get home tonight after swimming can we pray? Uhhhh yaaaaa!!!!! :) So we did just that. After we prayed she said,"I feel different, like God moved into my heart and took up a little space in there." Oh sweet girl, hes been there since the day I looked into your new born eyes you just finally put all the pieces together and saw how much you are worth to him. We talked about how people get to choose who they love and how great our God is that he doesn't force anybody to love him or serve him. I reminder her that for her entire time on earth people are going to tell her things they believe or dont believe in and she as a lover of the Lord just has to go back to her roots and to continue to write his word on her heart so she is grounded. I pray that as you grow Morgan you will not take my or daddy's word only on Gods grace but that you would seek, and ask search out his truth and mercy for yourself. Move mountains for his names sake. I love you and honestly last night made my life very rich.

Mother's Day Update

Happy belated Mother's Day to everyone out there. What a crazy thing to be a mom huh? I mean I have never had a job that one day made me want to stand and bang my head on the wall till' I knocked myself out. And then the next day thought to myself,"wow I could so do this 5 more times over!" I love it though! I love the homemade cards and attempt at making me breakfast. I love that I can measure my three year olds height by the hand prints on my sliding door. I love the Lego creations and the pouty "I want my way!" faces. I love that when my husband is at his wits end God gives me peace and patience and vise versa. I love that raising children assures that I will never stray far from my Lord and his guidence. I love that temper tantrums and coloring on the walls is only for a season.

I caught Morgan in deep thought. Today as she was running out the door for school she yelled over her shoulder,"Mommy, would you pray for me today?"

Always my sweet. Isn't she beautiful!

This sums up my sweet Ryanne. Full of life, care free and deliberate at her attmept to make me laugh. She is full of dirty sticky kisses and never short on compliments to me. She told me yesterday,"Mommy, since your my bestestest mommy to me ever I want you to have the bestestest mothers day ever ok?"

I did. Thank you Ryanne.

Mother's Day 2008
Ok, can I just say that my husband rocks! I mean seriously like 2 weeks ago I drug him through DSW in route to buy my mom a pair of flip flops for her b-day and I pointed out these flip flops that I LOVED! Yes I know love is a strong word but since I try to be honest in my posts I dont want to mislead you. I LOVE FLIP FLOPS! My family teases me because I pretty much wear them year round. When it snows I will throw on shoes to go out but off they come the minute I am inside. Dan says my feet will be like 12" wide when I am old because they are never in "shoes". I'm good with that. I love every color, every style, etc. I don't like fancy jewelry or really expensive house things or anything like that. I am happy camping in the dirt for vacations but I must say getting flip flops is soooo fun! So look what the girls got me for mother's day.....................Whew-hew!! Aren't they cute! Thanks for paying attention honey! ;)
After church yesterday we came home and my dear friend, sister in Christ and now neighbor Marianne came over with her family and her parents and Dan BBQ for all of us. It was beautiful outside and the food was amazing! We ate chocolate covered strawberries, had good conversation and just enjoeyd all of our kids running around. Thank you Dan, Morgan & Ryanne for not only making me fell loved on Mother's day but everyday!

Update on Ryanne's swim lessons

So Wed. we are getting homework wrapped up with Morgan and I announce that it is time for the girls to get their suites on; Ryanne says,"WHAT! I thought I was done. I dont want to swim anymore." I calmly tell her (key word being calmly) to go find her suite and pick out a beach towel. Much to my surprise she comes out dressed in her suite, towel under arm and says,"Mama, I'm not gonna cry today and I'm going to have fun." I stay behind to cook dinner (hide) and Dan takes the girls. I faithfully pray for her little spirit and of course the teacher who is stuck with her for the 4 months and wouldn't you know it, God blessed me AGAIN! Here come my little freezing wet fish through the back door all grins. Ryanne apparantly walked into the pool announced to everyone she was not going to cry, high fived head coach Jason and when her teacher called her to her lane she jumpes right in. At dinner we talked about how brave she was and I told her I had been praying for her while she was gone. I got rewared with a kiss and a thank you. Is it possible this is my three year old who in previous months has tourmented me to no end? Thank you God for even the smallest miracles in my day. Heaven! Pure Heaven!

Parenting 101

Do you ever have days where you feel like you missed the parenting boat? I mean really, like they should have some kind of class for you to run to and ask some amazing parent who does everything perfectly what choice you should make in the moment you are in so as to require the least amount of therapy for your little ones in the future. I had a night like that last night. I was batteling between my "I want to rescue my three year old from everything fearful" & "I know she has to try new things and often be pushed a little" mode. It's a very hard place to be. A few months ago Dan and I decided to put Ryanne in this program that Morgan's swim club does called the Starfish. It is to teach little kids how to swim using the strokes correctly in hopes that when they turn 5 they will try out for the swim team. If you are a younger sibling of a kid on the team you get to swim at the same time which worked out great for us. Kill two birds with one stone. Morgans team is practcing, Ryanne learns to swim. We told her from the start she had to learn to swim but didnt have to ever try out for the team if it wasnt her thing. But because we are always on or near the water learning to swim is not an option. So we took her & let her pick out her goggles and bathing suit and primed her all week. This is her "I'm ready" stance. Below you will see the full panic "I'm NOT getting in that pool" stance. I was so stressed out that when Dan wasnt looking I did what any good mother would do and ran. Seriously, I took off. I told the coaches do whatever it takes to get her in I just can't watch. So I stood as far as my zoom lense would allow and snapped away. I was so close to letting her quit. I guess the crying thing still works on me sometimes. I want to push them enough to encourage them so they try things and grow but its so hard sometimes.
To the "fine, I'm in the pool but now I will scream the entire time" stance.
Actually she warmed up to her coach Alexis and was even going under water for her by the end. Here she is climbing out saying,"shoot daddy, I wasn't even scared"

This may seem silly to most but I have to share it anyway. I really have been struggling with the thought of Ryanne starting pre-k next year because she is so random and does these off the wall things constantly that often land her in trouble. She refuses to walk to the beat of anyone elses drum and will push beyond anyone's human limits. So I have been trying to teach her to take pride in the things she does. Complimenting her often, letting her help me with things around the house. etc. So here is where God blessed my heart to overflowing last night. Ryanne got out of the pool beaming last night like I have never seen. She was so proud of herself for completing the class and going under water and swimming a short distance to the side all by herself. She was grinning and laughing and dancing. Morgan ran to hug her and tell her how proud she was of her. Ryanne was so happy she talked about swimming and the other kids in the group all through dinner. I asked her if she was proud of herself and she said, "oh yes mama I am!" :) She slept better, woke up happier and has been a joy all day. Sometimes I think its important for us to be pushed or nudged out of our comfort zone so we grow. I hope that is what my girls learn when we gently nudge them forward in life.

Of course this morning she said,"mommy, I really think I am done with swimming ok?" No, Ryanne I KNOW you can learn to do this and even though you may be fearful in the beginning mommy will pray with you and you will be A-OKAY!

Surgery follow up

Well, we survived the surgery and Dan is home resting. It ended up being a bit more invasive than we were first thinking becuase the fatty tumor (nothing more thankfully) was tucked under a large muscle. So they ended up having to dig rather deep. He woke up in pretty good spirits and is now recovering. Dan was less than thrilled that I was taking photos of him though. I told him its rough but that's the life you choose when you are married to a blogger. ;) We are visual people who need proof of the stories we are telling. :) you know the worst part? I was really hoping for something funny at the hospital to blog about and yes God did indeed answer my prayers. We were in Dan's little cubical waiting for him to get wheeled into surgery when the nurses brought this lady in to occupy the room directly across from Dan. We were just sitting there vegging out when we hear the nurses tell the lady to go ahead and take everything off but her underwear and put on her hospital gown. The lady who lets see how should I say this? Well, she had not taken really good care of herself turned to the nurse and the rest of us and said,"oh no, I'm one one those." "you know the ones who dont wear underwear because it hurts for ANYTHING to touch down there." I would have given my left arm right there on the operating table to have taken a pictre of Dan's face. It was hilarious. I think he was so thankful to be knocked out and wheeled away at that point he didnt care what they did to him. :) Anyways, he's now "supposed" to rest for the next ten days; ya' we'll see how that goes right? Thank you to all of you who prayed, called, e-mailed, etc. Truly felt loved and supported.