Poop....

I have made no secret about the fact that I think this month has been poop. The small of it? We have had sickness in our house in some way shape or form since January 1st. I have spent zero time with my husband all month because work has been insane for him. The large of it? More than one friend passing away from illness, a friends brother being killed in a car accident, friends being diagnosed with cancer way to young and just discouraging stuff like my friends mom being mugged just trying to get groceries.
I have the response to all this that makes me sad because I want to be that believer that can stand in complete faith all of the time without ever wavering...without ever questioning God.

But I am not that person. I get angry, I want to fix it. I get anxiety when I am alone for so many days/nights at a time. I let fear grip me and my home. I struggle with great amounts of worry and a feeling like life is spinning out of control. A heavy sadness is something that has the potential to grip my heart.

I was running some errands today and stopped to get my girls something here in town. As I was pulling into the shopping center driveway, a lady walking in front of me who was carrying bags of groceries had her bags break open spilling the contents and sending them rolling down the drive. My knee jerk reaction  (and I'm not proud of this) was fear. Fear of getting out helping a stranger, fear of getting tangled up with this lady, just fear. Not rational fear by any means. But that's what fear is right? Because it's not of God.
 Anyways, I got out and grabbed the Target bag from my back seat and dumped out it's contents. I walked over to her and helped her load all her groceries back up. When she started talking it was clear she was mentally handicapped and I just listened the best I could as were standing in the middle of a shopping center driveway with cars zooming by. I told her I would pray for her nephew that she mentioned and as she was walking away she stopped, looked at me and said,"Thank you, I guess God knew I was going to need help today huh?"

I got back in my car and was moved to tears. Yes God DID indeed know she was going to need help today. Just like he knows I will need help every single day. I will need HIM and his provisions every single day. My life is not some random thing spinning around in the universe. He knows my days, the numbers on my head, when I wake and when I sleep. He reminded me today through someone who maybe didn't understand a lot of what was going on around her and was very child like that it's really so simple. HE KNOWS. He knows before I ask, even if I forget to ask. If that doesn't give me comfort I don't know what possibly could. Something I learned from this is I want to do more. I drove away wondering why I didn't pray for her right there. Fear. It's something I am working on and want to see God work in my life more. I am sad that I missed that opportunity today to pray with her. I don't want to live in fear but in victory.

January Blues....

January cannot be over soon enough for me. My husband came down with the stomach flu on New Years day and then a week later caught the chest cold going around. He was able to come home from the fire station long enough to give it to my girls. So I am on week three of taking care of sick people....sigh. Not to mention the staph infection Ryanne picked up at the beginning of the month. That was a fun one to battle. Ugh! Bare with me as I vent not so much as complain. I am grateful I am healthy and am able to take care of everyone but it's tough and I get cabin fever after a few days....so when I get cabin fever I look at Pinterest and when I look at Pinterest I get hungry...and when I get cabin fever AND hungry...

I bake.....

I bake banana-peanut butter cup bread.....

Being gluten and dairy free does NOT change the fact that I ate until I was sick.

Then I decided I could make a pazooki just like BJ's pizza. I succeeded and do I need to say it? Yes I ate until I was sick. The good news is that in a few days my kids should be feeling better but alas I will have about 1,000 extra calories to burn at Zumba. Sad face. Take your vitamin C and stay healthy. Peace.

Remembering A Friend, Flowers, Family time and Food

Sadly we attended a friends funeral this past week. Sid Hekman was the kinds of guy who gave. He also loved life and found the humor in it. The way he loved his family was contagious and the way he loved his wife made you envy the longevity of their marriage and that kind of commitment. Made you want to be a better spouse, teacher, better at giving beyond the minimum. Funerals are tricky because nobody wants to attend one and yet you have this desire to see your friends and loved ones honored. The beauty in death as believers is we never say good bye to our brothers and sisters in Christ, we say,"See you later." This time here, our bodies we're in....it's all temporary. That is where we find hope.

I woke up to this the other day. Raising Ryanne is a wild adventure full of massive band-aid purchases, fixing broken things in the house, constantly trying to get her to bathe and brush her hair.....clean clothes are a perk. Rescuing her from the tree in the yard and untangling her from a wrecked bike or scooter are all in a days work...

But oh my sweet Ryanne knows one things for sure...she is constantly putting herself before others. She is a prayer warrior and a giver. I wrote a quote on my chalkboard that reminds me of her. It says; She is delightfully chaotic, a beautiful mess. Loving her is a splendid adventure. -Steve Maraboli-

The weather has been so amazing that we have taken to art on the patio in the afternoons. Ryanne is a lover of all things art. She loves photography, painting, drawing etc.

She will sit for hours doing water colors....

Meet Bailey AKA Mr. Bailey. This is my moms little man who LOVES to stand at our wall like a mere cat and contemplate life.

I mentioned to my mom that I found a recipe for an AMAZING gluten free corn dog but alas I did not own a mini deep fryer. I was in no way shape or form going to get in my car and drive to buy one because I knew I would make them and eat them and then have to work out an extra day next week. Listen people; 40 is coming like a freight train for me in exactly 3 months from this very day! My waist line got the memo as have my boobs. They heard that was roughly middle age and they have decided to rest.

My mom shows up with a deep fryer she bought me and though I think she had some selfish motives (she wanted home made corn dogs) I could not let her down and we made corn dogs. I ate two. I did the "happy corn dog dance" around my kitchen island (surely that burned calories right?) I sang, I laughed, I waved my corn dog in the air like I just didn't care. Ha! Get it? Call me..I will be at Zumba all week if you're interested.

Listen, before you judge me, I have not had a corn dog in 6 years! 6 years people! A girl can only take so much. This gluten free life gets to you and you start to see corn dogs walking down the side walk. You dream about them. You think they are calling your name...I needed a corn dog. My little gluten free monkey approved of them as well. :)

Merry Christmas, Happy 2014!!

Merry Christmas! Happy 2014! I have been so busy just chillin', enjoying the break my kids have from school and the AMAZING Southern California winter weather. During our three weeks off Morgans dance group had a Christmas party complete with cute snowman cupcakes....

friends hanging out....

and of course an ornament exchange. Fun was had by all. We have had two weeks off of dance and have really enjoyed our down time. Just doing whatever we feel like whenever we feel like it. Sadly all good things must come to an end...starting this Monday.

The girls and their friends next door decided to build bike ramps in our back yard area...raise your hand if you think Ryanne was the first one to go full speed, fly through the air, flip over her handlebars and land on her back. You would be correct.

The Harker girls and Loomis kids had their little gift exchange....trying to get 5 kids to all smile is really hard. I just kept snapping away hoping to get at least one. I have pictures of them at 9 months old sitting on the couch together. Crazy!

Ryanne & Lillie...T-R-O-U-B-L-E! :)

Christmas morning was super sweet in our house because Dan got both Christmas Eve and Christmas day off. I LOVED waking up next to him with the kids bouncing on the bed with excitement to open presents.

Yup' he's a gift....even at 6am. :)

I won't keep you in suspense; Legos for Morgan and a giant furry bear blanket Ryanne wanted for her bed.

We surprised Dan and got him new wheels for his race in Florida...

Macy got presents too......

But by evening the excitement had caught up with her and she was so tired she was sliding off the couch...it was low key with just our moms and a friend coming over this year. Very nice. Very blessed.

We watched our friends kiddos the other day...Kalie and Ryanne munching on cookies I was baking. We are excited about the new year. We have some fun family trips planned, excited to see how God will use each of us. I was telling a friend yesterday that I think it is sad that we don't expect great things from our God. We have let the world water down our expectations and so this is my goal this year; to pray EXPECTING God to move. To heal marriages. To deliver people from depression, to expect healing in sick friends, to pray knowing God is going to provide that baby to that couple who really wants to parent, to be a prayer warrior who GETS to be part of what God is doing. God is powerful, all knowing, wise and merciful. He wants to do GREAT things in us and through us. I cannot wait! :)