I posted the "Is Love Enough" post last Sunday night. I started praying that night and early Monday morning for Gods timing and wisdom. I just knew he wanted me to share with Morgan about her brother but I didn't want the conversation to be led by my emotions.
I was in the shower Monday morning when Morgan walks in and says,"Mama, I don't know what it is or why God is telling me this; but I really feel like I am supposed to call Kari and talk to her."
I just about died. I was like,"OK God today is the day, I hear you."
I also got an email from a friend that goes way back to my youth group days. (Thanks Angela)
She was sharing her heart about the heaviness I was feeling and reassuring me in more ways than one that it would go well and she would be praying. She also reminded of Hannah in the bible:
"I was praying for you all as I read your post, and Hannah came to mind. When you think about how she released her son to the Lord, and sent him to the temple, I always think of that as releasing my kids to God's will, but today I thought about Morgan's birth mom and how she released her to be raised in the Lord. Hannah also went on to have more kids, but Samuel was special and set aside for God. Not that the other children were any less in the eyes of the Lord, of course (!) but Samuel had a special calling and purpose and I just wonder if it might help Morgan to hear that story in those terms."
This really gave me a good perspective as I went to talk to Morgan. I also have a friend who placed her baby son up for adoption when she was younger and so she prayed with me right before I talked to Morgan.
When I talked to Morgan she was sad at first and got pretty emotional. She tried to keep it together at first but then she said she just needed some time. After the initial shock wore off she shared with me that she was happy for Kari and her new family but a little sad that she would not really know her brother. The 11 year gap makes that kinda hard even if we did get together with them. She asked me if she could talk to her good friend Maddie about it which of course I told her yes. We prayed for Kari and Dylan and after about a day or so Morgan bounced back to her normal happy self.
It was hard to see her questioning things and sad. But she is wise enough in the Lord to know she is where God wants her and where she wants to be as well. I think it's hard because ever since she was little she has asked us to adopt a little brother for her. But the one thing Morgan and I learned from this time together last week is the answer to my previous question; Is Love Enough? I leaned that no my love is not enough; not my love for my girls, my husband or my family and friends. But if I continually point them back to our God, then his love is enough and he will use me in their lives. I'm good with that. I never want my girls to think I am their everything. I will make mistakes and let them down whether I like it or not. Same with my marriage. But God will never let them down.
Morgan asked me yesterday why I waited a month to tell her and I told her I was praying about it. She said,"You should have told me sooner."
I told her I would never apologize for waiting on Gods timing to talk to her and that he totally spoke through her so I knew when the time was right. She could see that too.
I love you Morgan. xoxoxoxoxo