Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Psalm 127:1

Friday, September 16, 2011

I REALLY Wasn't Gonna Tell You This............

I really wasn't gonna post again this week. Wasn't gonna even mention it.
Nope not a word. My lips were sealed. Nothing. Nope. Not gonna do it. But then ever so quietly I heard this small still voice. "God is that you?" No it wasn't God telling me to share. It was the little voice in my head that begs me to keep quiet so I don't embarrass myself. It tells me all the time,"Christy, you don't have to share everything. Some things are OK to keep to ourselves."

Don't get me wrong, the voice and I are friends. I mean were like this (imagine fingers crossed). But sometimes I have to tell the voice to go away and leave me alone.
Mind you I try not to talk to the voice out loud in public. It draws stares from weirdos.

But this particular day I decided you good people of blogging land needed a laugh. And who I am to withhold a good giggle even if it is at my expense?
Am I right or am I right?

Soooooo......I go to my much over do Rheumatoid doctors appointment yesterday. Truthfully I had been avoiding it for like 2 years because I get sick of hearing I am going to be in a wheelchair if I don't let them poison me with chemo drugs. They have been telling me that since I was in my 20's; then bring the freagin' wheelchair already!

Sorry, I'm getting side tracked. So I am getting my physical from this new RA doctor who I love the first 5 minutes of my visit. Super nice older gentleman who thinks my girls are darling. (chalk up 10 points for schmoozing me)
Then as he has me doing some flexing and bending tests. I in all my wisdom decide to ask him about all the muscle pain and weakness associated with this crazy disease.

He looks me straight in the eye (you can't make this stuff up for ratings people) and says,"Yes I noticed your arms were getting a bit flabby."
Flabby? My arms? I weigh 123 soaking wet! Flabby? Define flabby. Like fat? Just hanging there doing nothing. Flabby? Useless skin flabby? I'm confused.
So I informed the good educated doctor that I walked twice a day. Up hill both ways mind you. He didn't even blink. He said,"Dye your hair gray and go join a water aerobics class." (minus 50 points for bedside manner)

Water aerobics? Like where the old people go? Like go buy an ugly one piece and bathing cap aerobics? Define water aerobics pleeeaasseee.....cause I'm about to freak out here Doc.

He went on the with physical and for only a brief second I had this horrible, inexcusable, DO NOT try this at home kids thought.
I apologize because this next line will give you access into my very warped, wound to tightly, sick mind. I'm warning you.......DO NOT continue reading if you think to highly of me.

So what you don't think to highly of me?
Anyways, I though about dropping my pants and asking him what he thought about my saggy butt. I know right. It's horrible. The minute I thought it I heard the voice again. Only this time it WAS God saying,"NOOOOOOOOOO!"
But like in that deep slow motion kind of voice.

Over all I really liked the Doc. I think it's safe to say we hit it off. He asked me to go get a bunch of x-rays on my hip and things like that. Cause I'm old you know. And flabby. And old. And flabby. I agreed to go but I warn you if the x-ray tech says one word about my body the next post might not be nearly this pleasant. Oh and just FYI, I am heading over to LA Fitness to sign up for a gym membership this afternoon. *sigh* Water aerobics here I come!!

Feel free at this time to go to comment section and re build my self esteem. For those of you who read but only "blog stalk" just send happy "anti old and flabby" love my way via monetary gifts. Cash only please.

Disclaimer: Please do not send money. I am kidding. I don't know if that was illegal to post or not. Just want to confirm I was kidding. Although if money does appear in my mail box know that it will go towards my water aerobics classes. The End


Jeff and Aimee said...

Jeez...if a hot young thing like you is "flabby" then I wonder what that doc's poor wife hears when she takes off her clothes at night. Maybe he sleeps alone...

Rhonda said...

You crack me up.
I'll take your flabby arms any old day.
And I'll admit that I HAVE taken a water aerobics class though and really enjoyed it. But I guess with as much gray hair as I have, I probably fit in. :)

The Writer said...

Actually I think you will LOVE water aerobics and you might be going there for a reason other than supposed flabby arms....I think I would heard my voice saying "smack him NOW!!" or sue for verbal abuse! Ha ha.