Is Love Enough? Part 2

I wanted to first off thank everyone for the sweet comments and emails encouraging me last week in regards to my last post. Secondly I wanted to update you on my talk with Morgan.

I posted the "Is Love Enough" post last Sunday night. I started praying that night and early Monday morning for Gods timing and wisdom. I just knew he wanted me to share with Morgan about her brother but I didn't want the conversation to be led by my emotions.

I was in the shower Monday morning when Morgan walks in and says,"Mama, I don't know what it is or why God is telling me this; but I really feel like I am supposed to call Kari and talk to her."

I just about died. I was like,"OK God today is the day, I hear you."

I also got an email from a friend that goes way back to my youth group days. (Thanks Angela)
She was sharing her heart about the heaviness I was feeling and reassuring me in more ways than one that it would go well and she would be praying. She also reminded of Hannah in the bible:

"I was praying for you all as I read your post, and Hannah came to mind. When you think about how she released her son to the Lord, and sent him to the temple, I always think of that as releasing my kids to God's will, but today I thought about Morgan's birth mom and how she released her to be raised in the Lord. Hannah also went on to have more kids, but Samuel was special and set aside for God. Not that the other children were any less in the eyes of the Lord, of course (!) but Samuel had a special calling and purpose and I just wonder if it might help Morgan to hear that story in those terms."

This really gave me a good perspective as I went to talk to Morgan. I also have a friend who placed her baby son up for adoption when she was younger and so she prayed with me right before I talked to Morgan.

When I talked to Morgan she was sad at first and got pretty emotional. She tried to keep it together at first but then she said she just needed some time. After the initial shock wore off she shared with me that she was happy for Kari and her new family but a little sad that she would not really know her brother. The 11 year gap makes that kinda hard even if we did get together with them. She asked me if she could talk to her good friend Maddie about it which of course I told her yes. We prayed for Kari and Dylan and after about a day or so Morgan bounced back to her normal happy self.

It was hard to see her questioning things and sad. But she is wise enough in the Lord to know she is where God wants her and where she wants to be as well. I think it's hard because ever since she was little she has asked us to adopt a little brother for her. But the one thing Morgan and I learned from this time together last week is the answer to my previous question; Is Love Enough? I leaned that no my love is not enough; not my love for my girls, my husband or my family and friends. But if I continually point them back to our God, then his love is enough and he will use me in their lives. I'm good with that. I never want my girls to think I am their everything. I will make mistakes and let them down whether I like it or not. Same with my marriage. But God will never let them down.

Morgan asked me yesterday why I waited a month to tell her and I told her I was praying about it. She said,"You should have told me sooner."
I told her I would never apologize for waiting on Gods timing to talk to her and that he totally spoke through her so I knew when the time was right. She could see that too.
I love you Morgan. xoxoxoxoxo

Valentines Day Goodies!

I don't know about you but I LOVE Valentine's day! For starters I LOVE red, I love hearts, I love pink and red together. Heck I LOVE red and pink hearts together. It's all very silly and sweet and oh I don't know maybe a bit mushy but deep down I'm a hopeless romantic. Thus, I bring you cute Valentine's undies from Undies.com. Yes I said undies. So since I love this web site I thought I would share it with you too! So go order some cute underwear and strike up a new tradition with your hubby this Valentine's day.
(I apologize if your reading this dad) Ha! :)

http://myemail.constantcontact.com/Save-30--on-Valentine-s-Day-Undies.html?soid=1103910139544&aid=cKqFtRbAOG8

Is Love Enough?

I have been wanting to write about this for a couple of weeks now but it's tricky.
Even tonight as I sit here at the computer I am not sure how to proceed.
I have lots to consider.
My daughter's feelings.
Birth parents hearts.
How and what God is telling me to share.
I'm not even sure it will make sense to someone reading it.
I blog for a couple of reasons; I love to write. It's just something that has been in me since I was little.
I also want to leave a trail of journals for my girls when they are older.
That's also the reason I take mad notes every Sunday in church.
Someday and I hope it is someday a long time from now I won't be here to encourage my kids in the Lord. If there ever is a time when they feel lost, scared, unsure of Gods plan for them, I want them to be able to look at my notes from church or my blog books and be reminded of his grace.

I first want to tell you that Dan & I have an open adoption plan with our girls birth parents. It basically means we keep in touch, send pictures and try to love on them as often as possible.
It doesn't always happen that we connect but we try. Over the years we have been more connected with Morgan's birth mom than anyone else involved. It's only because out of all the birth parents she has gone above and beyond measure to keep us in the fold of her life.
We have seen her go through and complete college, get a job, get engaged and now she has a son.
This brings me to the point of this post.
I knew Kari would eventually grow up, get married and have another baby.
In fact that was my hope for her. That God would continue to guide her and bless her for her choice to give life to Morgan and place her in our lives.
The thing is when I found out on Christmas Eve she had a son only weeks before and I saw a picture that was the spitting and I mean exact spitting image of my almost 11 year old daughter it floored me. I was crying and a mess and I have no idea why.
I talked to Kari on the phone Christmas night for an hour. We both were choked up as we shared our hearts.
The funny thing is we were both feeling a lot of the same things. I wasn't crying because I wanted another baby. I wasn't jealous at all. In fact I was happy for her. It was this deep deep ache that just went to my core. Seeing that sweet babies face and knowing it was Morgan's blood brother took me right back to the day we met Morgan and her birth family.

I instantly loved Kari when she handed me Morgan. I can't explain it. It's not something you can understand unless you have been there. When a young girl walks into a room and hands you her first born child and gives you her blessing to raise her; you are torn between taking that sweet baby and running and dropping to your knees and staying there with the birth mom forever.
The bravery, the courage, the selflessness that it took for her was something I could not fathom in the moment. I was to close to the situation. I had to keep it all together and walk out with that 6lbs. of sweet goodness and bond with her.

But now, well now she has a brother and I will need to tell her that. I have been praying. I have been seeking Gods wisdom. I have been asking for his words, his timing, his courage. Why?
Because no matter how much Dan & I love Morgan it's going to hurt her. Our love is not enough to shield them from the reality that is adoption.
It's a blessing. It's good. It's Gods will. It's his perfect plan for our family.
But, they have this other dynamic that is their reality. They have blood family other places. Family that looks like them, have the same gifts and talents. It's a reality.

I've always been OK with that. Adoption has always been an open thing in our home.
Never have our kids not known our families testimony. Never.

But when they were babies our love was enough. If they fell we kissed it better. If they were scared we held them. But sadly no matter how much we love them we can't guard their hearts from everything. They at some point will have to ask their birth parents the tough questions. The impossible questions. At some point they will have to walk that path in their history and we won't be able to smooth it all over for them.

Kari and I ended our conversation by discovering something very important. We both had these huge aching hearts for one reason and one reason only; we both want the very best for Morgan and we know that finding out there is another baby might hurt her feelings for a while.

Please don't misunderstand this post. I am not insecure in my relationship with Morgan.
I know I am a good mom. Difficult days, yes. But I adore my girls.
I am in awe that God thought I was worthy to even have them at all. I take my job to raise them up in him very seriously. I do not for one second take for granted the responsibility and gift their birth parents trusted us with in placing them in our home. This is my calling. My ministry.
I walk in the truth and security that God has a plan for our family.
I just wish sometimes that they were babies again and my kiss, band-aid and my love was enough.

Some Favorite Things Of 2012

I LOVE when people post about web sites or products they use and love. It's fun to see what is out there and to try new things. Here are a few of my favorite things I enjoy:

I love this daily face wash from Trader Joe's because it's easy on the skin and I can use it daily without it tearing up my face. The little bottle of oil next to it is from World Market. They have all different scents and they work in the tub or the shower. If you are taking a bath you just add a couple drops and soak away; if using it in the shower you just squirt two or three drops in your hand and smooth over skin before toweling off. The oil can be a bit pricy at $13 a bottle but a little goes a long way. The soap is an all natural oatmeal soap from the web site www.alice.com
I have started shopping on line at www.alice.com to save money and trips to places like Target where I go in to get shampoo, soap, toothpaste etc. and come out spending way over a $100. *sigh* This web site allows you to shop from home (I even by all natural laundry soap from them) they deliver in about 5 days, and the best part? Shipping is always free. Plus they track your items like toilet paper, napkins, soap etc. and send you reminders to restock.

Am loving this daily face moisturizer with sunscreen from Trader Joe's.........

My mom and I were shopping at Anthropology last summer and found this yummy lotion. It has a shower gel to go with it. We fell in love and my mom was kind enough to restock my supply for Christmas. :)

This to is a great deal at alice.com. If you or your kids have dry winter skin just pour this into a warm bath and soak away. I foo-foo mine up by adding a few drops of lavender oil. It makes your skin so soft. I think I started using this on Morgan when she was like 1.

OK now for the fun girly stuff. I found this web site called www.birchbox.com where you go and sign up to pay $10 a month and each month you get a little present in the mail. It comes looking like this............butttttttt wait for it............

You open it to pretty, girly, fun size samples. I love to try new things but I hate buying something full size to find it's not for me. I also love getting presents in the mail so for $10 I get just that.

This month it was a sample of granola, a new nail polish color, some face cream, some anti aging serum and a Juicy perfume sample. I am looking forward to trying all my new goodies out. It's fun to go to the mail box and anticipate something each month. If you like the items and you order them through their web site you get points and free stuff etc. You can cancel any month and there is no contract. I doubt I will ever order $145 face cream but the nail polish or perfume I just might. :) Check it out when you get a chance.

Have a great night and I look forward to reading your blogs on all your favorite things. :)

Happy Almost Friday

Happy almost Friday! And a three day weekend at that. Whoo-hoo!!!
I was trying to think of what I could leave you with to make you smile and I decided what better way to smile than to see a Dane and her smallest peeps curled up on the couch.
Am I right or am I right? I mean look at those faces.........*sigh* I'm in love and I've got it bad.

Your probably thinking to yourself that Macy sure lay's around A LOT and you would be accurate in your assumption that my dog is lazy. Ha!
Her best day ever dream is to have all of her little peeps stay in toastie jammies and lay on the couch with her watching cartoons all day. I'm serious she told me that.

So if your looking to find Macy full of energy and vigor then you would need to show up at our house oh say from 9:15am-9:30am or from 5:30pm-5:45pm. LOL!
He! He! I hope your weekend is full of fun and good ol' fashioned cuddle time. Like said cuddle time pictured above.