But If Not......

 

I just got done reading this great book called Fight Back With Joy written by Margaret Feinberg. Margarets story is like so many other women fighting breast cancer; but in the midst of the journey she and her husband decide to explore what it means to have true God given joy. Joy that passes all understanding and maybe even seems phony to someone on the outside of your trial because by all accounts if someone were to look in, you would have every right to have a self proclaimed pity party.
  Don't get me wrong, she does have many bad days where she has to dig deep and she shares those in the book as well, but what stood out to me is the journey she went on to discover what it meant to have joy despite her circumstances.  God given joy. Joy in the Lord. Thankful, unabashedly, relentless joy that says,"No matter what this life brings my way I AM CHOOSING to be joyful and love on others!"

 In the middle of her cancer story and feeling pretty low Margaret meets a man who has the words "but if not" tattooed on his arm. The man points her to  Daniel chapter 3 of the bible. The short version is that king Nebuchadnezzar is demanding that everyone bow down and worship statues. Enter Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego who refuse to bow down and are brought before the king who kindly informs them that if they do not bow down they will be thrown into the burning fiery furnace. We pick it up in verse 16 for their answer to king Nebuchadnezzar. "O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter. If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image you have set up."
 Did you see that? They were so confident in Gods ability to change their circumstances that they stood strong and bold in the face of trial. And they were confident that the Lord had them there for a reason and if their circumstances did not change they were going to praise Him anyway. I want that! I want to look around and be able to say,"God I trust you. I'm feeling this trial Lord and I will not let it be in a vane. I will pray that this or that takes place and pray for relief BUT IF NOT, I am going to have joy and KNOW you have me here for a reason."

 In the end king Nebuchadnezzar sees that after being thrown in the fire that the three men are not burned and in fact there are four people in the fire. The Lord was with them. The king fell down and worshiped God, giving up his idols. What would happen if we prayed like that? If we loved and lived like that? What would that look like to you? Who might see our joy and get saved?

I have been struggling with losing the use of my right hand as my rheumatoid arthritis progresses on that side of my body. Some days it's terribly painful and typing and writing are becoming something I can only do in short spurts. There are days when I feel scared, depressed and just angry that this is taking place. After being reminded of this story I am changing how I pray. "God heal me, straighten out my hand. Give me many more years of mobility, I'm to young to be losing use of my right hand/arm...I write with this side God! But if not, I am joyful because this is temporary. I will fight back with joy and loving on others in the midst of my discomfort because I CAN!! I am made in your image and WILL be joyful despite my circumstances."
What if we loved God and others with an abandon the world can not deny even if the Lord chooses not heal us? If He chooses not to bring that wayward child or spouse back? Our loved one dies anyway even though we prayed? God this is my hearts desire but if it's not to be I will serve you.

Easter Fun!

Happy belated Easter! We started off our day with a 4:30am wake up call to go to sunrise service at our church. I wanted to take a picture of everyone huddled up together under blankets as the sun was coming over the mountain top but my fingers were frozen!!

I made these Oreo truffles and during step one my darling husband and children made the observation that they might look  a little like poop and not so appealing to eat; yes this is my life....

But after another step they turned out super cute and tasted even better...here is the recipe link www.gimmesomeoven.com/easter-egg-oreo-truffles/ if you want to make them. Because we are gluten and dairy free I used gluten free Joe-Joes and dairy free cream cheese so just FYI that is an option. 

I love Pinterest. Always cute ideas that my brain does not think up but gladly wants to try.

My mom made this carrot cake that we all agreed was so good!! We did have a good laugh about the fact that the hollow eyes could freak out small unsuspecting children though. Our family is ruthless.

Every year we do an egg hunt for the girls and there is always the coveted golden egg that has an extra special treat of $10 in it. Morgan was the winner this year.

The day was full of sweet reasons we as Christians celebrate Easter. Jesus has risen from the dead and he is alive! That in and of itself is so AMAZING and all the extras; the food, egg hunt and treats are just that...extra blessings and fun good times. but without Christ in our lives those things are all meaningless.

So now we are officially on Spring break! Can I get a "thank you Jesus!" for this home school mama who is ready for summer break. We don't have major plans except I am thinking our girls will be catching up on their Lego video game ha! Be blessed!

Parenting Tip 101:

By all means I am No parenting expert and I rarely if ever give advice because I have no clue what I am doing 99% of the time. I pray, move forward and then pray some more. ha! Have you heard the old saying,"You are the best kind of parent before you have kids." It's true right? I mean here is just a few of my BK (before kids) thoughts;

1. My kids will NEVER eat at fast food.

2. My kids will NEVER sleep in bed with us.

3. My kids will NEVER be home schooled. 

4. My kids will NEVER sit in front of the T.V. for hours on end.

5. My kids will NEVER roll their eyes, talk back or act like that in a store.

6. My kids will NEVER have more than one earing hole, dye their hair or wear make up before (insert some random age).

Fast forward 14 years and I've learned a few things. #1 My kids will do all of the above and more. #2 They are kids. #3 I care more about their hearts than how many times they want to pierce their ears. #4 You learn life and obedience to the Lord by doing life, and that includes making mistakes.

So when our rather (how should I put this super mildly?) independent, daring, free spirit of  a 10 year old asked to dye her hair I thought,"Heck, why not?"

I know with Ryanne I have to pick my battles and it's just hair.

I'm thinking we should have done blue which is calming an maybe not so much the fiery red. Ha! So anyways that's my parent story the week. Some days I'm barely surviving and wondering if my brain/heart can take any more battles, dirty laundry, late nights with sick kids, bad attitudes etc. Then God gently reminds me that we are all fallen sinful kids of his and our kids are not any different. So I put my eyes that see my kids like Jesus sees them and it all makes sense.
I would like to say for the record because I know my mom reads my blog and doesn't know how to comment; not in a MILLION years would my mom let me EVER do this to my hair when I was a kid. In fact I just last month went and got a second hole in my ear because my mom wouldn't let me ha! See, still rebelling! Well except she took me and paid for my ear piercing this time!! :)

The Image...

Do you ever look around and think,"Man that Christian has it all together. They know the right answer with the right scripture at the right time. They always have a story about an amazing adventure they took with God. They are always in the right place at the right time." I'm not saying that it's good to compare yourself to others but we have all been there right? Like maybe we are missing the mark or we aren't enough. I spent a good part of the beginning of my marriage looking at other husbands and thinking,"huh, I wish my husband did this or that. I wish my husband was more sensitive and home more." I have done the same things with other moms, thinking how patient another mom is when I'm yelling at my kids.  But you know what God has impressed upon my heart the last few years that has given me this deep unmovable joy? That this life, my marriage, my kids, my friendships are not about me. When I get caught up in focusing on myself, my needs and wants then I quickly lose sight of what God really has me here for. I manage to feel sorry for myself about the most ridiculous things and spin my wheels over things that have no value as apposed to asking God,"What can I do for you today?" I know that no one person has it all together or always has the right answer, but the difference between a Christian who is just sitting on the side lines and a Christian who seems to always have a new adventure to tell you about that God took them on, is that they go when God calls. They obey. They react. They realize that being Christ like is actually a verb. It requires action. It requires that we look at our husbands and see them as Christ sees them, love them as Christ loves them. That we see our kids as Christ sees them and love them as Christ does. Yes even when we don't feel like it. Why? Because Jesus did it first. He loved us first. I want to love my Lord, my husband and my kids like Christ. I want them to be following Jesus when they follow me....to see Christ at the head of our motives and our hearts desires. I want to have daily adventures with Jesus that move me out of my comfort zone and make me take risks for His purpose. Even if sometimes I end up taking the long route like Jonah; I am certain that if I step out and say Yes!! God will grow me and use me and make me more into His image. Be brave today! Love someone up! Serve your husband and kids because you "get" to! Stop worrying about things that have no eternal value! Talk to a stranger and love them! Do something out of your comfort zone for the Lord! Go on an adventure with Christ at the lead and see where it takes you! Be blessed!

Sneaking Away....

I love Groupon! I also love grabbing my husband and kids and getting out of town for a quick trip. So when you find an AMAZING deal on a room right on the water in San Diego you sneak away. I've discovered that sneaking away even for just a day is good medicine. Everything else will still be here when you get back...you only get to do this life with these relationships one time.

Why is it that I C-A-N-N-O-T get a "normal" picture of anyone in my house?

I told her that her face was going to freeze like that...ya' it didn't work on me as a kid either...

We were so fortunate to be able to spend all Sunday down by the water riding our bikes, trying a new restaurant, swimming in the pool and just being together... 

We found this really fun dessert and coffee place that was open until 11pm and packed full of people, coffee, tea, chocolate, gluten free and vegan desserts and more and more chocolate!!

If you are ever in San Diego look it up, you will not be disappointed. Be patient because I'm guessing this is a very popular place.

We walked around Little Italy which has AMAZING places to eat and so many cute shops etc.

View from atop a hill in Point Loma...

We stayed at Humphry's on Fiesta Island....great place!

I am crazy in love with the sea...

We are refreshed and back to the books and enjoying the beautiful Spring weather! Be blessed!

March Madness....

Hello. Happy March! For us it came roaring in with lots of rain, wind and hail. But now it's all clearing up and we are left with beautiful green hills and white mountain tops.

So clear and amazing!

This is our youngest daughters side kick Milo. He follows her everywhere and in the mornings when I peek in on her, Milo is asleep on top of her. I guess here he has decided to help with her laundry.

So raising Ryanne is going to be the title of the first book I write. Here is what is sure to make the cut as one of my entries:

Ryanne: "Oh mom I finally got that boys number from church."
Me: "Umm... what boy and no you aren't allowed to call boys and sit on the phone talking to them."
Ryanne; "Seriously mom he is not even my type. He's all computer and game geek. I want a man who can pump his pecks."
Me: (Choking on my own saliva) "Excuse me? A man that can do what with his what?"
(My husband feels the need to jump in at this point)
Dan: "You do realize she gets this from you?"
Me: "Oh really? Since when can you pump your pecks?"

My cats sit outside of the shower and watch me shower every. single.morning. Ya I know creepy. Anyways, they wait and they wait and they wait for me to be done and then they sit and watch. Yup' that's it they sit and watch the last drops of water drip.drip.drip.drip.drip.drip.drip. Every.single.morning. I'm not sure why it's so fascinating but this is how they roll.

I saw this in a store and had to take a picture of it because really, some days I just want to say,"Forget it all!" And then shove an x-large pizza down my throat. Don't worry I won't. I'm getting therapy for these outbursts.

I'm loving so many things about being a mom right now. But before you log off because you think I am going to brag about how great and perfect my girls are; be comforted in the fact that THIS is NOT that post. I just want to say that life/parenting is funny. It's like the most humbling job you could ever have. The minute you think you might actually have a handle on one area of it, the rug is ripped out along with the mother of the year award you could almost see sitting on your mantel. Sigh....I'm in this weird transition place of counting down the days until my kids can move out because I'm certain they are sucking my last living brain cell and then feeling badly because well, I really do love them and think they are awesome people. But let's be real, I home school. I am with them ALL OF THE TIME. So when our youngest asked if she could go to winter camp with the youth group I obediently(cause that's how I roll..wink-wink!) answered,"I think that is probably okay but you need to call daddy and see if it's okay." All the while writing the check as fast as my little hand could go and mailing the permission slip before she even dialed my husband at work. Whaaattt? Then our oldest asked to go out of town with her friend and her parents for the weekend and again obedience first ladies :) I told her to call my husband at work but was offering to buy her a new bathing suite for the trip I was shoving her out the door for ha! I love them. I love them so much. I just am also loving that they are spreading their wings. They are trying new things and wanting to go out and succeed and fail on their own. I also love that God has given me a peace about it. A peace about my oldest asking to get her work permit and working for someone that has nothing to do with me. It's good. It's the order of things. I'm excited to see what God has for them. I'm excited to grow old with my husband and have that time but this, this crazy season is good. The letting go a little more and a little at a time and watching them seek God in even the little things is good. It's a sweet time. Mostly I sit holding my husbands hand convincing them it's all going to be okay and they are always going to be his little babies ha! He's taking the growing up part very hard.

I also parent a 180lb. dog who by the way wants to be at my feet every single minute of every single day. She's not spreading her wings at all ha! She had to have 5-6" of her tail amputated and is on the mend.She looks even more silly than she did before but lucky for her a mothers love does not go void. Have a happy weekend be blessed!

         

February Fun

Dan & I celebrated 18 years of marriage this past weekend. He had one night off so we took off to Desert Hot Springs and laid in the sun, went out to dinner and then topped it off with a couple's massage and a soak in the hot springs. Just what we needed to catch up and regroup. I love what Greg Laurie always says about marriage,"Instead of saying they lived happily ever after people should say they lived happily EVEN after." I think that sums up our marriage. We have had some terrible lows and some extremely amazing highs but it's the middle of the road everyday living that just keeps getting better and we are determined to live even after life throws at us what it will and smile and laugh all along the way!!

Two days after our anniversary we helped our oldest celebrate her 14th birthday!! To say she is a joy would be an understatement. I sat down to write in her birthday card and felt like there were not words in the English language to describe my love for her. She loves passionately, learns with passion, seeks the Lord's will and is a peace maker with passion. She laughs freely and still runs and dances down the store isles like nobody is watching.

I was watching her with her friend at lunch and thought,"Man are we lucky!" She makes me want to be a better person and because she is a teenager often reminds how that can be done ha! Happy 14th my sweet. It's all I can do to hang on and wrap every.single. memory into my mind and heart as you grow into a lovely women of God. A daughter of the king. I want to remember it all and take for granted nothing. Be blessed this year sweetie!

MORGAN IS 14!!!!! YAHOO!!!