Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Psalm 127:1

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Confessions Of An Out Of Control Home School Mom......

Just so there are no misunderstandings about my life, I decided to fill you in on what has been taking place in one of my many realities called "homeschooling my kids." Now don't misunderstand me, I love having my kids home and as trying as it is I would NOT trade it for anything. BUT, these past 5 weeks of school have been r-o-u-g-h! Why? Well for starters I have been in denial. There I said it d-e-n-i-a-l. It's a nice place to visit but not live if you know what I mean. I think God is teaching me so many lessons about myself through raising our girls (see there, all about me again ha!)Seriously though, and I'm certain this applies to parents that don't home school as well but it's rough raising two human beings who are entirely different in nature; who have different wants, needs and talents etc. I mean I can barely figure myself out and usually when I think,"Ha! I've got that down!" God shows me otherwise. By nature Morgan is really self driven. She sets a goal and works toward it. She's neat, organized and on time without being prodded. Those are all great qualities right? Of course, but the challenge with a personality like that is that life is not always neat, orderly and controllable so she struggles with not being perfect all the time at EVERYTHING! The upside is she has an amazing heart for the Lord and is easily corrected. She has a sweet, sensitive spirit that wants obedience. This makes home schooling her pretty easy. 

Ryanne on the other hand is our free spirit and I DO NOT use that as an excuse or "code" for we let her be a crazy child. On the contrary, we are always trying to reinforce respect, time management and wise choices in her. It's just that when Ryanne does math she has to say ohhhh.. stand on her head and talk about whats for dinner at the same time. When we read a book she has to stop every other sentence and tell me about her birthday party....that is 11 MONTHS AWAY! Ryanne has to get her words in everyday and by words I mean talking non stop 24 hours a day 7 days a week 365 days a year. Sun up to sun down. And when we can't hear anymore she talks to the cats, her dolls, the grocery clerk, the UPS guy and as of late the cable man fixing our T.V. *Sigh* The upside to this personality is that on top of having the gift of gab she is super friendly and loves the Lord. So with that being said I know she will be a vessel for him as she grows. People are drawn to her. They love her. But home schooling her has been difficult for me personally. I am not the most patient person and I hate when people procrastinate. Drives me bonkers if I'm being real honest. The Lord and me had a break through yesterday though. I came to a place where I could take no more. Ryanne and I had hit heads one to many times. I wanted to cry, scream, run away. In that very moment hated home schooling. Hated being a responsible parent. Just UGH... hated! I think in that moment of profound weakness and frustration where I was at my wits end, Ryanne was in tears and Morgan was just sick of listening to us is when God was able to move me to see the heart of my youngest child. She thinks outside the box and that's OK. She colors the sky purple and that's OK. She marches to her own fashion, own beat, own everything and that's OK. She doesn't like personal space she wants to touch you, climb on you, be in your face eye to eye and know you and that's OK. She likes her curls to be free and wild and will give you her last cookie. She regularly cleans out her closet to donate clothes without even being asked. She is small in stature but mighty in heart. She doesn't want to disobey but she CAN NOT and I repeat CAN NOT learn like every other kid and I am realizing that is OK too. She needs to build, explode, run, jump and investigate every little nook and cranny. She wants to know why everything works like it does and then take it apart, put it back together and then when it's together color it pink. And that is OK. God has reminded my that my way is not the right way just a different way. We cried, we hugged and then we set out a plan to learn a more fun way. We picked more hands on curriculum and we just simply took a breath. I like order and control of things like Morgan but I also LOVE to color the sky purple like Ryanne. It's just that sometimes with all the responsibility I forget to breath. I'm certain God gives us children so we can understand his mercy and love for us. Dan always tells me to choose my battles and it's been tough with Ryanne at times. I tear up now even talking about it. She is strong willed and super sensitive to EVERYTHING food wise. She cant have gluten or dairy or anything with dye. She can't have lots of processed/packaged foods or it alters her personality. She can't take over the counter medicine even. She struggles with ADD and OCD issues and we often have to tell her things one hundred thousand times because she forgets or as we joke,"saw a shiny light." So I struggle with what to battle. I pray lots for wisdom but not like I should. My ES said,"Remember why you home school Christy." Insert bubble above my head that says,"I thought it was so we could travel?" I home school because the Lord told us to and that's that. So this week I am pulling on my big girl panties (I hate that saying) and letting Ryanne learn the best way she can. With a mom who is not over bearing, Nagy, UN-happy, stressed and just plain nasty. Yuck right? So this week I declare it "Take A Deep Breath and Learn Fractions By Baking a Chocolate Cake Week!" Amen! In closing we were driving home last night and Ryanne said,"So mom, what do you plan to do about my education?" Sighhhhhh....that was right after she asked me to explain why God allows us to suffer. In a nut shell of course. ;)Aren't you glad God allows us to be individuals and express our love to him differently. He takes it all in and uses it beautifully. 


krista said...

I loved this post...your love for your kids was shining through your honest words.
Have you seen this blog post? It's one of my favorites to direct worn down homeschooling mamas to!

BC said...

The power of a motivated mother!! You are awesome and God knows it - I love how He refines us through our kids! Thanks for sharing what we all need to hear.

Jessica said...

Crazy how different kids can be huh?

I know for a fact if I were to homeschool Ethan we would have some serious clashes :) I would definitely have to pray daily for patience!!

You are doing a terrific job with them!!! It pains me when I see people homeschool and not put much effort into it. You are the exact opposite of that :)