The 11th Plague

I was kind of thinking how cool it would have been if God needed an 11th plague to send on to Pharaoh and he came to me for advice. It would go something like this:
God: hey, Christy (ya' were on a first name basis) ;)
Me: ya' God?
God: Hey, this guy Pharaoh is really a tough one. I have sent frogs, Fleas, boils, hail and all kinds of other horrible things to his land and people and the guy still isn't budging. So you have any ideas on how to really get to him so he will turn and serve me? You know, really put the fear of God in him. No pun intended of course! (see God has a sense of humor as well)
Me: Oh ya' I've got something for you. But I really wish you had come to me sooner. I mean I really think we could have nipped this in the butt from the beginning and saved you all those other plagues and extra work.
God: Really? I'm listening.
Me: just send in a nation size number of disobedient, disrespectful three year old. And I give the man a day, MAX! In fact you really could only send one and I bet he lets your people go and then some!
God: thanks Christy!
Me: oh sure, let me know if I can help solve any other problems.

Do you see where this is going yet? I know you sick blogger people out there live for my Ryanne stories. So to not keep you waiting I have yet another. Yesterday Morgan woke up a little run down and with a small cold (remember freezing pool Saturday?) Ya' so I mentioned to her that she was not going to swim practice because we needed her healthy for her last week of school and for her out of town swim meet this Saturday. Instead I said,"you can sit at the tables while Ryanne swims and write your end of the year cards for your teachers. Well, thinking I had come up with a pretty good plan to get Ryanne where she needed to be and keep Morgan on the path to getting her stuff done for Thursday I was feeling pretty good. (oh and yes Dan is gone)
Ryanne gets wind of the fact that sissy is not swimming and explains to me how she too is sick and in fact possible dying from a headache. The walls were closing in it was horrible the amount of drama that went into this performance. Screaming, crying, running through the house yelling about her headache when in reality the only ones who had headaches from her screaming were myself and Morgan. I gently explain that she needs to swim because she missed 2 days last week, I have to go to the pool because our tuition was due a week ago (ya' I'm crazy behind on my "to-do" list this month) and faking being sick is not a way to get out of things.
Side note: unless you are an adult and don't want to clean or cook you are exempt from not being able to use this. cough*-cough*
We get to swimming where the coach tells me to just "drop" her in the pool and they will deal. I LOVE this coach! Ryanne screams, kicks, yells, cries, you name it. As I am walking past the rows of parents to hide and pretend she is not mine for half an hour a mother whom I do not know says oh so boldly, "your just going to make here sick."
Me: excuse me?
Mother with only a small baby in a stroller cause she is there with a friend and has no clue what she is talking about cause her kid is like 4 months old and has never been naughty in public yet says: She's scared. Your just going to make her sick.
Me: Shes not scared! Shes been swimming for like 4 weeks now. She is mad because I am not letting her fake sick! Oh and by the way so what if she gets sick, drinks to much pool water and throws up in the pool; that's what chlorine is for!

OK I didn't say the last part but I thought it. But wait, it gets better. As I am defending myself and my amazing parenting skills someone says,"wheres Ryanne?" What? What do you mean wheres Ryanne? I look in the most obvious place of course, the bottom of the pool. Nope.
I look up in time to see Ryanne ALL THE WAY across the pool running out of the gate and through the parking lot for the baseball field. Wait, wait, not only is she running she has teenagers from the team chasing her at full speed. I did the obvious thing and stood there frozen. I mean I could not move. I bet the look on my face was priceless. One girl finally caught her and it took TWO of them to get her back to the pool. The coach walks over and says,"shes really fast and strong. You should put her in track some day!"
I turn around as they are depositing Ryanne back into the pool and yup' the entire bleachers of parents are just staring at me shaking their heads. I wanted to DIE!!! I could feel the one mother with the perfect baby to be in the stroller just glaring at me. Luckily for me my friend Melissa came over and sat with me. It was like she entered enemy territory cause no other of the moms wanted to be my friend at that moment. They thought I was being to harsh. Melissa sat and encouraged me and told me I was doing the right thing bye not giving in. The head coach even gave me a thumbs up.

You know after seeing this story in writing and re living all the painful details I have one thing to say; "God send the frogs. Send the hail. Send the flies and the boils I can deal with that!" But seriously I was in the fetal position last night rocking myself. I was like,"self, get it together. Ya' she might turn out to be a delinquent or torture small animals. Heck she may even be a naked track star! But don't quit on me now self. We can do this. We can survive the three year old. Snap out of it and start fresh tomorrow. Let the anger and frustration wash away. Come on self, stop the rocking and drooling and gazing into nowhere."

Please pray for me today. I woke up at 4am dreading the day. I am not a patient person. On my own I have no grace, wisdom or forgiveness. I love, love, love this kid but I gotta' tell you I am pretty sure God is trying to teach me something here through her and I am just not getting it! I SO want to get it God! Really I do! WHAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!